so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
