Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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