PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
