Who wears a wallet chain?!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
