I can text with my tongue
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
