it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
