seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
