I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize