is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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