Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
