he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
