I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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