He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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