Your face is a jimmy john
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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