I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
