he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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