Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize