I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
