when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
