Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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