Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
