What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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