I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
