I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
