You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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