I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
