Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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