Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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