Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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