i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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