You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
