Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
