i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
