she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
