oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
