There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
