Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
