sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
