I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
