I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
