I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize