sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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