i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize