I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize