HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
