Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
no, he came in my armpit
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
