We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
