Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
