she smelled like a LAN party
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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