so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize