My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
