maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
