he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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