I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
