member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
