We got so high we made milksteak
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Let's get the cat blown out
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize