Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize