Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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