I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
