I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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