Don't you send me to vm
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
