You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
