Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
