she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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