I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
