Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
