We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
