Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
