The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
