The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
