What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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