Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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