Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
NoShamevember. You game?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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