That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
