Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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