I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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