she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
