We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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