What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize