I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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