Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
